i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize