opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
