i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
