Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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