cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
