I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
