does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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