Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
