think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
