Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
