Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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