my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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