i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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