Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
