i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
