sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
