no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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