Im at strip club and am horny
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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