the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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