It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
