i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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