Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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