Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
