Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
