so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
