Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize