She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
