then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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