i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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