Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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