He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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