My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
