you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
