Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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