So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
