Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
