1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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