Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
