remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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