I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
