I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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