i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She bit a glass in half.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
