I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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