shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
