So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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