You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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