So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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