8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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