I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
