I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
