I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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