And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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