Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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