it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's blow job season.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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