Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
