i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
