hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
