Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
