I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
