so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
