did you get engaged???
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
bring money and cleavage
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
