i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
