Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
