I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize