Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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