I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize