I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
