Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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