puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
