The maid of honor just puked.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize