Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
