We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
