that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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