Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
