The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize