we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
