i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
