it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
