tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
