I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
