I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
