Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
