Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
