So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
