Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
