Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
