I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
