If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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