the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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