i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize