4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
