I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
