whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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