Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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