Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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