I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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