Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
