I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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