Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
