You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ok first of all what the fuck
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