just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
