mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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