escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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