his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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