I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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