I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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