i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
