i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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