Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
