Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
