She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
