Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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