I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
