Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
