No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
